Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
