my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
