i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
