You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
