You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
