I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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