im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
