She's JV to your varsity
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm like, not good at living.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
