I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
