God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
