Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
