I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
PANTIES FOUND
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