She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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