im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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