The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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