Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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