had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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