i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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