We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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