He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
