very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
