My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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