shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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