please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
