saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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