another moral hangover. fuck.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
