happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
