that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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