Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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