I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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