u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
