Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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