on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
