Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
