Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
