next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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