Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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