the only muscles i have these days is kegels
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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