I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
