brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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