This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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