So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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