I am puke
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
