We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
