i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
