The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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