So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
