My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
