Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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