Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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