I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
