I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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