she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
