...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
