my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
