i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
