I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
