I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize