I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
