I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
