There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So. Much. Porn.
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