remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
