why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
