just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
