I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
