I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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