i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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