so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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