He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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