according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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