just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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