First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
