He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
