it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
