help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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