It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
