Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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